Extempore Effusions on the Completion of Masechet Gittin: Perek Bet המביא גט

“I saw this Get written, not signed”
Said the witness. We hold that’s not fine.
We need witnesses two
Who avow: “It is true:
Saw them write it and sign on the line.”

If two people dip in a sea
That has just enough water to be
Kosher – Can we then say
Both of them are okay?
If they dip simultaneously.

Three rabbis discussed in the night
Laws of Gets brought from far — what’s all right?
‘Til a Persian priest came,
Put an end to their game,
For he took from them their only light.

If your niece one day becomes your wife
And she cheats, but you do not feel strife
You can pre-date a Get
Say, “I’d already let
Her go free. Do not ruin her life!”

An “old Get” is one that you write
Prior to a grand rendezvous night
With the wife you had written
That finest of gittin
For. That Get has no force or might.

If a man says to ten folks: “Hey guys
Write a Get for the wife I despise.”
Must then all ten men sign
On the “witnesses” line
Many problems could therefore arise!

Write a Get in invisible ink
Or in fruit juice (how that Get would stink!)
You can’t give it to her
So the sages aver
Yes, a Get must last – what did you think?

An illiterate witness can’t write
His name on a Get. That’s all right!
You can carve out his name
He can sign just the same
By inking his name bold and bright.

Says a man to his wife, “Here’s your Get,”
Throws it into the river. Regret
Gets the better of him
Or perhaps, on a whim,
He says, “‘Twas just blank paper – now wet.”

Does a Torah scroll count as a Get
It contains the right verses; and yet
Would the Sofer aver
It was written for her?
Still, it won’t say her city. Hence nyet!

“Here is your Get, but the paper
Belongs to me” – Some stingy caper!
That is not a divorce
(The poor woman, of course –
She’s be better off with a [sic] raper!)

Write a Get on the hand of a slave
That is, one that the husband then gave
To his wife. That’s Okay,
So is handing her, say,
A slave who in his hand the Get waves.

An edible Get – what’s the deal?
Does it bear the kosher stamp and seal?
Yossi HaGlili says: “No!
Must be book-like, you know.
Did a book ever serve as a meal?”

A Get can’t be stuck to the ground
It must be something carried around.
Can a tree or a plant
Be a Get? No they can’t–
But an olive-leaf Get would be sound.

A tree planted in holy ground
Gets its sunlight from some land surround-
Ing Israel. This tree,
Do the rabbis agree?
Do we tithe from it? Where is it found?

Any Israelite may bring a Get
Save the deaf, blind, not Bar Mitzvah yet.
But what if he’s blind
Then his sight he does find?
He could not see it signed, rabbis fret.

A blind man cannot see a thing
Thus no image can any bells ring.
Well then how does he know
It’s his *wife* who does go
With him into his bed, not his fling?

Her own Get a woman may bring.
Yes, the rabbis allowed such a thing
When the husband said “Take
Up the Get when you make
It to that place.” “I’m free!” she can sing.

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