Extempore Effusions on the Completion of Masechet Gittin: Perek Gimel כל הגט

A man wrote a Get, changed his mind
Then that same Get another did find
The men had the same names
And so too did their dames
But the Get can’t be reused, re-signed.

A man cannot say to his scribe
“Write a Get for some wife in my tribe.”
No, he must clearly state
Which wife. Must designate
By her name — or at least must describe.

Write a Get for the wife who comes first
Through the door. Is that poor woman cursed?
Which is former, which latter
This is not a matter
In his hands. It could be reversed.

Said a father: We’ll now have a race
And the child that comes in first place
For him I will slaughter
(What if it’s a daughter?)
The Paschal lamb in God’s home base.

Shmuel says: Every Get must have space
For this line to be written some place:
“Behold you’re permit-
Ted to all men befit-
Ting.” Or else she’s still his to embrace.

Don’t put names on a Get in advance
To avoid some such bad circumstance
Of a dame who walks by,
Hears her name on the fly
Spoken by a Get-scribe, just by chance.

A Get’s like a gun. Do not keep
One around in the house where you sleep.
For you might have a fight
With your wife late one night,
Hand it over, and oh! How she’d weep.

If you drop your wife’s Get in the street
And then find it beneath others’ feet.
May the Get still be given
Though it has been ridden
Over by most people you meet?

If a lost Get turns up in a box;
In the wallet of one with gray locks
In a fact’ry for flax
In the market stall sacks
Is the marriage now still on the rocks?

How long may a Get go astray
Such that it if it is found, it’s OK?
For as long as no man
Passed; or no caravan
For the time ’til you read it, you say?

When the Get-giving man is quite old
At the age of strength (eighty, we’re told)
If he hands you the Get
He may die while you’ve yet
To deliver. Think he’s not yet cold?

If the court proclaims: “Husband is dead.”
Do you let the wife go and re-wed?
He might not yet be
Dead indubitably
Even courts have at times, yes, misled!

Said the man to his wife, “Have no fear
Have this Get if I do not appear
Back within thirty days.”
There were dreadful delays
O’er the river, he called out, “I’m here!!”

Death is more common than wealth
People sadly can lose their good health
But they don’t find a stash
Often of lots of cash
Got rich quick? We suspect you of stealth.

Check your Truma wine three times a year:
When the gust of the east wind you hear,
When the grape clusters show
When with water they grow
Make sure it’s not now vinegar, dear!

God sent a big wind that beat hard
Down on Jonah’s head. Thereby it marred
His day. Jonah grew faint
And quite full of complaint
That’s the east wind – against it do guard!

You may think of the wind as quite mild
But the “Shadya” wind grows very wild!
It can make a pearl rot,
Make one’s seed go to pot
Cause a woman to lose her next child!

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