Extempore Effusions on the Completion of Masechet Beitzah

They asked Rav a question of law
On yomtov; they held Rav in awe
But Rav, quite abashed,
Had to tell them, “I’m smashed!
Please ask later! Don’t tell what you saw!”

A chicken has sex in the light
It won’t procreate in the night
It would wade through a fen
To get laid by a hen
But would it cross a river? It might!

A small pigeon knows that it’s best
It will tell you, if put to the test:
“I make sure that I stop
If I find that I hop,
Hop so far that I can’t see my nest.”

If you feed a strange baby some bread
Make a mark or a sign on its head:
Rub its forehead with oil
Or paint it with soil
So Mother knows Baby was fed.

After eating the festival feast
Hillel brought a he-goat to the priest
He lied, “It’s a female,”
And adjusted its tail
(He did all this to try to make peace.)

A student, though deeply inflamed,
Should answer his friend with the same:
If a friend threatens violence
Respond with “What’s silence?”
For those are the rules of the game.

Rav Nachman let Yalta his spouse
Ride on shoulder-chairs out of the house
On yomtov he’d say
“I still hold it’s OK.”
For poor Yalta was scared as a mouse.

Rav Chiya’s wife dropped a big brick
In the oven – she wasn’t too slick
Lest it spoil the bread
Of the people she fed
Chiya said, “Honey, take it out quick.”

A person who may have forsaken
That olive tithes still must be taken
And eats one at a time
Has committed no crime —
But if he takes a bunch, he’s mistaken.

If a mouse crawls inside of a spice
Or burrows through your yomtov rice
Grab the thing by its tail
Does it wiggle and flail?
Use a non-muktzah trapping device.

These are really nice poems with a catch
There’s a caveat I must attach:
I have still one more blatt
So I really should not
Count my beitzim before they have hatched.